The Office - Season 3, Episode 17 - Business School

An interesting fact to start off this recap - this episode was directed by Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Ryan invites Michael to speak in front of his business school class because he finds out that if you bring in your boss you get bumped up a full letter grade. Michael now thinks of himself as a professor and really takes this opportunity seriously. He is trying to really move the students through this speech he is going to give. Ryan should have known better.

Michael: What’s the most inspiring thing I ever said to you?
Dwight: “Don’t be an idiot.” Changed my life.

Dwight: Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing.

Pam and Roy are officially back together (ugh). Pam invites Roy and the entire office to see her drawings at an art show with other students. Roy is really excited to see art.

Pam: I’m really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. Is that braggy? I don’t mean it to be braggy.

And what is Jim's reaction?

Jim: Pam’s with Roy. I’m with Karen. And Brangelina is with Frangelina. Moving on.

Kelly of course has to put her two cents in:

Kelly: I can’t believe you’re back together with Roy!
Pam: Oh yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know.
Kelly: Oh my god. You’re so in love now.

Dwight sees "animal stool" in front of Pam's desk. He is intrigued and must find the source.

Pam: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: Solving a mystery, if that’s quite all right with you.

Dwight first thinks there is a bird but quickly discovers a bat.

Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!

The bat escapes from its hiding place in the ceiling and flies around the office causing a frenzy. The bat gets trapped in the conference room by Dwight until they can figure out what to do. Jim calls animal control who will only be there at 6pm.

Jim finds an opportunity to play a little prank on Dwight. He acts like he was bit by the bat and is turning into a vampire.

Jim: I feel so … tingly. So strangely powerful.

Back at Business School, Michael and Ryan arrive on campus and Michael wants to play frisbee and act like a college student.

Michael: Campus. Brings back so many memories. That I would have made.

Ryan introduces Michael while Michael watches on from another room where he can't hear what Ryan is saying. We get brief clips of Ryan talking about how Dunder Mifflin is refusing to keep up with the industry and adapt to the changing world where paper will become useless. Michael thinks Ryan is talking him up.

Michael starts off his speech (with his trusty little note cards) . He picks up a student's textbook and proceeds to rip out the pages.

Michael: You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons. And then you will have a book that is worth its weight in gold. I know these are expensive. But the lesson is priceless.

Michael then tries out his "names of chocolates to represent what's needed in business" speech.

Michael: You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be a thingamajig. Or a whosi-whatsi. Or … a “Whatchamacallit.” Now, you need to sell those in order to have a “PayDay.” And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a “100 Grand.” Satisfied?

Jim continues to freak out Dwight in his transformation into a vampire.

Dwight: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a “-sylvania.” Like Penn-sylvania. Now that doesn’t mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ.

Karen apparently is in on the joke and is a really really bad faker. She does a bad fake acting job to play off Jim's joke. (Pam was so much better at it!) First Jim touches garlic toast and he is like "it's so cold" and Karen is like no Jim this toast is really hot.

Karen: Hey Jim, here’s the aspirin you wanted.
Jim: Oh thank god. I have such a headache from the glare.
Karen: What glare?
Jim: The glare off Angela’s crucifix? — it’s blinding.

Then Kelly comes out of the Kitchen and sees Dwight and Creed (who earlier made an alliance) trying to hurt the bat.

Kelly: You better not hurt that little bat.
Creed: Animals can’t feel pain.
Kelly: Don’t hurt that bat, Creed! It’s a living thing with feelings and a family!

The bat then comes flying straight at Kelly and then heads into the kitchen.

Kelly: Kill it kill it kill it!

Back at business school, Ryan informs Michael that they usually do a question and answer session with the students. Michael is open to it but then all these questions come at him which he can't answer. A bunch of students want to know how a small paper business is going to survive when there are huge companies like Staples and when paper is becoming obsolete.

Michael: We can’t overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay?

Michael talks about the continued need for paper and meanwhile every single student is typing their notes on a computer. The students also ask questions about economic theories (Herfindahl index) that Michael knows absolutely nothing about.

One of the students notes that Ryan said earlier that the paper business was failing. Michael was very offended and lashed back at Ryan.

Michael: Ryan has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he’s a tease. Well you know what? He doesn’t know anything, and neither do you. So suck on that!

Michael then storms out of the classroom.

At Pam's art show, she is standing around her drawings without any attention being thrown her way. Suddenly Roy and his brother show up and Roy (being a jerk) rubs it in that he is the only one that showed up and nobody from the office did.

Roy: How ’bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and no one from work is here. That’s pretty cool, huh?

Pam later overhears Oscar and his boyfriend Gil talking about Pam's drawings.

Gil: Real art takes courage, okay? And honesty.
Oscar: Well, those aren’t Pam’s strong points.
Gil: Yeah, exactly. That’s why this is motel art.

Pam felt pretty low after hearing that. Roy then leaves early and tells Pam she should come by his house later. I already see Pam having second thoughts about Roy.

Roy: Your art was the prettiest art of all the art.

It's time for the people in the office to head home and Dwight sticks around to take care of the bat.

Jim: I’m going to go home and lie down. Draw the shades. There’s just so much sun in here. Bye, Dwight.
Dwight: Goodbye, Jim. And good luck.

Dwight: Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey. And I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen.

Meredith has been trapped in the bathroom, which is connected to the kitchen, all day. Dwight runs into the kitchen to get the bat and Meredith runs out. Dwight traps Meredith under a garbage bag with the bat in the bag too.

Dwight: You’re welcome.

At least he got the bat.

On the way back from business school Michael tells Ryan how upset he is.

Ryan: It wasn’t personal.
Michael: Business is always personal. It’s the most personal thing in the world.

Ryan thinks he is going to be fired.

Michael: Fire you? No no no. You are moving to the annex.
Ryan: To the annex? Where Kelly is?

Michael: A good manager doesn’t fire people. He hires people and inspires people. People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business.

You know Kelly is going to LOVE this.

Kelly: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god …
Ryan: It’s only temporary, okay? Don’t get excited.
Kelly: I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t, I won’t …

Michael then heads over to Pam's show and gives Pam much needed support.

Michael: Pam-casso. Sorry I’m late.

He is amazed by Pam's work.

Michael: I am really proud of you.
Pam: Thank you.
Michael: What?
Pam: Do you have something in your pocket?
Michael: A Chunky. Do you want half?

Pam gives Michael a big hug with tears in her eyes. Michael may be not so smart when it comes to business but he has a heart of gold (when he isn't thinking about himself).

Michael buys Pam's drawing of the Dunder Mifflin building and hangs it in the office.

Michael: It is a message. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless you had a camera.

Quotes from The Office Tally.