The Office - Season 3, Episode 21 - Women's Appreciation

We learned a few things this week from The Office. Michael has the hots for Pam (well, we kinda knew that before), Anger Management really did some good for Andy - to the point that I like him now(!), Jan is kinda scary, Pam is about to go head to head with Karen and the women's bathroom at the Office is way nicer than my bathroom at home.

The episode starts with a Dwight/Jim moment. Jim comes in late and Dwight issues him a demerit.

Jim: Oh, what’s this?
Dwight: That is a demerit.
Jim (reading paper): “Jim Halpert, tardiness.” Oh, I love it already.
Dwight: You’ve got to learn, Jim, you’re second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim: Oh I understand. And, I also have lots of questions. Like what does a demerit mean?
Dwight: Let’s put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim: Lay it on me.
Dwight: Three demerits, and you’ll receive a citation.
Jim: Now that sounds serious.
Dwight: Oh it is serious. Five citations, and you’re looking at a violation. Four of those, and you’ll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you’re looking at a written warning. Two of those, that’ll land you in a world of hurt. In the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim: Which would be me.
Dwight: That is correct.
Jim: Okay, I want a copy on my desk, by the end of the day, or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight: What’s a dis … what’s that?
Jim: Oh, you don’t want to know.

Then Phyllis walks in and she looks shocked and disgusted. She thinks she was flashed. The entire office crowds around and wants to comfort her. Even Andy is begging to help in some way. Jim calls the police and they say that the police already knew about it and they are searching for the flasher.

Pam: Can you tell us what happened?
Phyllis: Um, I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out … (whispering) on the map.
Angela: Phyllis, you’re a married woman.
Creed: The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what’s all the fuss?

Apparently this is an every day habit for someone like Creed.

Michael then comes in and doesn't see what the fuss is about. He thinks it is hilarious.

Michael: Okay, masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus?

Dwight goes into fight mode and runs out with a vampire stick to hunt him down. He stabs around all the bushes to find the perv.

Dwight: Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better a thousand innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.

Let me just say I think Dwight had some of the funniest moments in this episode. Michael decides to put Dwight in charge of a task force.

Dwight: Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his penis, I think you know what I’m referring to, Michael has authorized me to form an emergency, anti-flashing, task force.

And Dwight takes pictures of a bunch of penises that he wants Phyllis to identify. He even sneaks one in there of his own - which Michael some how is able to pick out. He then puts Pam in charge of drawing a picture of the perv. Dwight also suggests putting up bright lights in the parking lot.

Dwight: I know what you’re thinking. Won’t that just shed more light on the penises. But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of, why don’t you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam: Phallus?
Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I’ve got penises on the brain.

That will soon bite him in the ass.

Dwight takes the whole thing too seriously (in the true Dwight fashion) and issues memos to the office to change some policies.

Karen: Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? (Reading) “Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute.” This is ridiculous.
Dwight: Attention, I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
Karen: Dwight, this memo that you distributed, is insulting.
Dwight: Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Pam (reading): “Sleeves down to the wrists, button-up collars, and muted colors.” Nobody dresses like that. (Whip pan to Angela.)

Yup, Dwight lost it.

Michael then calls everyone into a meeting where he tries to talk about the differences between men and women but just ends up coming off sounding like a jerk. He talks about the standards in society and how those standards don't fit what women really are.

Karen: What you’re saying is extremely misogynistic.
Michael: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.
Karen: I’m saying that you’re being sexist.
Michael: No, I’m being misogynistic. That is insane, I am not being sexist.
Karen: That … it’s the same thing.
Phyllis: Michael.
Michael: Yes.
Phyllis: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.

So in order to connect with his female workers and show his appreciation he takes them to the mall. All the women are a little offended (except Kelly who LOVES the idea) but they go because really, who wouldn't want to take off of work and go to the mall?

Angela: Malls are just awful and humiliating. They’re just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior’s section. There are petite adults who are sort of … smaller, who need to wear … maybe a kids’ size 10.

Well, except Angela.

Dwight then gets the sketch from Pam of the perv. Hmmm...look familiar?

Dwight: I plan on plastering this pervert’s face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.

Meredith loads everyone up into her minivan and she is not the ideal driver.

As she tries to park at the mall she smashes up the side of a parked car.

Back at the office, Kevin is intrigued by an empty women's bathroom.

Kevin: Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women’s bathroom?
Jim: No. Thank you, though.
Kevin: You aren’t curious?
Jim: Not really, I’ve seen a bathroom before.
Kevin: Yeah, but … it’s every guy’s fantasy.
Jim: I think you mean a girl’s locker room. And in the fantasy, there’s usually girls in it.
Kevin (quietly): Yeah. I’m going in.
Jim: Go crazy.
Kevin: Oh … my … god.

The bathroom is covered in candles and has a big couch and magazines. Why don't I have a bathroom like that?

Andy and Dwight team up to catch the perv.

Andy: I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
Dwight: Of course you do, moonface. That’s because you’re a preppy freak, you’re the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So, start hanging these all around the building.
Andy: This guy looks like a real deviant.
Dwight: No duh! That’s why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those!
Andy: Aye aye, Cap’n.
Dwight: More like, “Aye aye, General.”

In the women' s bathroom the boys are chatting it up. Jim is talking about his 6 month anniversary coming up with Karen. Ryan didn't realize they were a serious couple.

Ryan: She might mention an email that I wrote awhile back, um …
Jim: Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she’s not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
Ryan: I figured. It’s cool. I don’t … I really wouldn’t want to be in an office relationship anyway. (Kevin can barely contain his tittering behind a magaziine.)

At the mall the girls and Michael are having a snack and gabbing about girl stuff. Michael starts talking about his relationship with Jan. And I have to admit Jan scares me.

Michael: Jan says anything that doesn’t scare us is not worth doing.

Michael starts to seriously think about ending his relationship.

Michael: I like cuddling and spooning, and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Pam: Omigod.
Michael: And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
Karen: That is not healthy behavior.
Michael: No, it’s not that bad. The worst part is, that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.

Pam tells Michael that he should end the relationship. Karen tells Michael that all relationships have their ups and downs and he should stick with it. Now that we see Pam and Karen are on opposite sides when is the cat fight going to happen?

But it is Phyllis that helps Michael make up his mind.

Phyllis: Don’t think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
Michael: I wanna break up with Jan. Wow! I wanna break up with Jan.
Phyllis: My mom taught me that.

I guess Pam was right.

To thank the women for their help, he offers to buy them an item at Victoria's Secret.

(to Angela) Michael: You don’t want anything? My treat. Some panties or … pick a thong or … G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any, it just, you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.

Pam: I’m kind of in between boyfriends right now. So I don’t need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels, I figure I could cut up this robe.

After the women leave the mall Meredith's car gets a flat tire. And it is Pam who saves the day.

Pam: You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe’s already coming in handy.

Back at the office, Dwight and Andy have installed a super strong fence with barbed wire. Dwight is starting to warm up to Andy but Andy gets the last laugh when he offers to put up the perv pictures all over his neighborhood.

Dwight: You know, I may have underestimated you. You’re not a total ass.

When the women and Michael return to the office Michael decides he is going to break up with Jan over the phone. Although the women don't think it is a good idea to do it that way he does it anyway. When the voicemail picks up they all try to stop him but Michael is on a roll.

Michael (leaving voicemail for Jan): Hey, Jan, it’s me. Michael. I’m just calling to say that I think we need a little break. Permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I wanna remain friends. Or at least, business associates who get along. Oh just so you know, it’s not me, it’s you. Okay, buddy. Somebody just walked in, I have to go. Um, so I’ll talk to you later.

And then, as he hangs up, Jan walks in. She apologizes for everything and tries to be more sensitive to Michael. Then she sees her voicemail and listens. Not a good moment for Jan.Then Michael sums it up:

Michael: Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. ‘Cause they are un-understandable. There’s a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain. “Michael, how can you appreciate women so much, but also dump one of them?” You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well maybe I learned something from women after all.

The episode ends with Dwight finally figuring out who the guy was in Pam's sketch.

Dwight: Dunder Mifflin Paper slash Sex Predator Hotline. This is Dwight Schrute.
Jim: Hey, Dwight. It’s Jim.
Dwight: Jim, what are you doing? I’m busy.
Jim: No, you’re not. I’m looking right at you.
Dwight: Ugh, I’m hanging up.
Jim: Don’t. I have information about the sex predator.
Dwight: You have information about the sex predator?
Jim: I saw him two minutes ago.
Dwight: Where?
Jim: In the women’s bathroom, above the sink.

Above the sink there are two little lines drawn in.

Quotes from the Office Tally.
Most pictures from the super-screen-capper Klotera.