Hi. Your 15 Minutes Are Up. Please Go Away.
I will admit that I love celeb gossip. I check various blogs multiple times a day to see what latest thing Britney, Reese, or the random reality stars have done that day. But some people need to just go away. We understand you are famous and that people want to capitalize on it - but you have gotten annoying - so please go away!
Kevin Federline insists that you don't call him KFed. I guess a man who has two kids by one woman, dumps her while she is pregnant for another woman with tons of more money, and then trashes up a perfectly good superstar just to get her pregnant and bring her down is too good for a name like KFed. Well KFed, I heard your new song. It sucks, KFed. You look like an ass, KFed, when you sing along to it. And I hope that Britney dumps you and you have to go back to whatever trashy KFed town you came from and will never be seen again.
Star Jones. She married a man that everyone thinks is gay except for her. She lost tons of weight. She is on The View complaining about what people say about her. I think she used to practice law and now she is selling payless shoes. And she has a book. She is photographed with her white fluffy puppy and husband all over the place and I am done looking at her. I don't care what her book has to say, I just hope she uses the profits to hide away in some country where the media doesn't exist.
Are you still pregnant? Geez. I thought I was sick of you when the relationship was announced. I thought I had enough when "TomKat" appeared all over the place. I thought it was the end when I saw couch jumping, water gun shooting, and marriage proposals. And to top it off you are at a soccer game every week. Don't you need to go on bed rest already? I'll tell you one thing - we know you are nuts - that is why we speculate about your relationship - and if you didn't show up all over the place we can move on - so go away!
Some of you may not know Marguerite but she was on wife swap (reality show where the two families switch moms). This woman is a devout Christian that loves to scream about the devil who was put into a home where they believe in astrology and other new age beliefs. I have nothing bad to say about people who have religious beliefs - I do have something to say about crazy ladies who think that everything is the devils work. You would have thought after the show aired she would go into hiding because she wasn't portrayed in the best light. Well she hasn't. She has a figurine, she has done the late night talk show rounds, and now she has a rap album. I'm hoping one day she screams so hard about the devil being everywhere that her head explodes and she just disappears forever.
Oh Paris. So many reasons why you are awful. Sex Tapes. Whoring yourself out to Greek shipping heirs. Being half naked on every red carpet but insisting you wouldn't do Playboy. A reality show that capitalizes on making yourself look dumb (and by the way I'm sure you have a brain - use it to make young girls not turn anorexic and worry about what your shoe size is or how to dance on table tops). And you too have an album coming out. I hope that the album comes out, goes to #1 in Japan and you are forced to move there and live out the rest of your days outside of this country. Maybe end up hosting a Japanese talk show or something and give us something good to make fun of you for.
Brangelina. Breaking up marriages. Having babies. Adopting names. And now Brad is doing what he does in every relationship he has been in, taking on the characteristics of his significant other. Do us a favor and go tour Africa for a really really long time and save more lives. Just don't do it where the cameras can see you.
Ok honestly I don't know who Jordan is. I have never seen her on TV but I have heard that she was on some reality show (like Big Brother) in England (I think). All I know is that she tries hard to trash it up by dressing half naked. A woman made of plastic should not be trying to sell exercise videos. It just isn't right. Why not go under the knife for a few more procedures so we don't have to see you for awhile.
Finally, Kate Moss. I knew your name when you were just a model. I figured you did drugs - I mean how else could you stay so thin? But now you are everywhere. Going to rehab. Breaking up with your ex. Starting fights with Sienna Miller. Having lunch with Lindsey Lohan. Partying with Jack Osborne. Getting tons of new modeling deals. That's great for you but you crossed the line when you agreed to have a book deal (which you won't even write yourself) about this comeback. We already know the story - you are still on drugs - and your poor daughter will grow up and know what you did. Why not save face and leave writing books to real writers. I hope your next drug binge lands you in rehab for a lot longer than 30 days.
(Pictures and links from DListed, Best Week Ever and A Socialite's Life)
Kevin Federline insists that you don't call him KFed. I guess a man who has two kids by one woman, dumps her while she is pregnant for another woman with tons of more money, and then trashes up a perfectly good superstar just to get her pregnant and bring her down is too good for a name like KFed. Well KFed, I heard your new song. It sucks, KFed. You look like an ass, KFed, when you sing along to it. And I hope that Britney dumps you and you have to go back to whatever trashy KFed town you came from and will never be seen again.
Star Jones. She married a man that everyone thinks is gay except for her. She lost tons of weight. She is on The View complaining about what people say about her. I think she used to practice law and now she is selling payless shoes. And she has a book. She is photographed with her white fluffy puppy and husband all over the place and I am done looking at her. I don't care what her book has to say, I just hope she uses the profits to hide away in some country where the media doesn't exist.
Are you still pregnant? Geez. I thought I was sick of you when the relationship was announced. I thought I had enough when "TomKat" appeared all over the place. I thought it was the end when I saw couch jumping, water gun shooting, and marriage proposals. And to top it off you are at a soccer game every week. Don't you need to go on bed rest already? I'll tell you one thing - we know you are nuts - that is why we speculate about your relationship - and if you didn't show up all over the place we can move on - so go away!
Some of you may not know Marguerite but she was on wife swap (reality show where the two families switch moms). This woman is a devout Christian that loves to scream about the devil who was put into a home where they believe in astrology and other new age beliefs. I have nothing bad to say about people who have religious beliefs - I do have something to say about crazy ladies who think that everything is the devils work. You would have thought after the show aired she would go into hiding because she wasn't portrayed in the best light. Well she hasn't. She has a figurine, she has done the late night talk show rounds, and now she has a rap album. I'm hoping one day she screams so hard about the devil being everywhere that her head explodes and she just disappears forever.
Oh Paris. So many reasons why you are awful. Sex Tapes. Whoring yourself out to Greek shipping heirs. Being half naked on every red carpet but insisting you wouldn't do Playboy. A reality show that capitalizes on making yourself look dumb (and by the way I'm sure you have a brain - use it to make young girls not turn anorexic and worry about what your shoe size is or how to dance on table tops). And you too have an album coming out. I hope that the album comes out, goes to #1 in Japan and you are forced to move there and live out the rest of your days outside of this country. Maybe end up hosting a Japanese talk show or something and give us something good to make fun of you for.
Brangelina. Breaking up marriages. Having babies. Adopting names. And now Brad is doing what he does in every relationship he has been in, taking on the characteristics of his significant other. Do us a favor and go tour Africa for a really really long time and save more lives. Just don't do it where the cameras can see you.
Ok honestly I don't know who Jordan is. I have never seen her on TV but I have heard that she was on some reality show (like Big Brother) in England (I think). All I know is that she tries hard to trash it up by dressing half naked. A woman made of plastic should not be trying to sell exercise videos. It just isn't right. Why not go under the knife for a few more procedures so we don't have to see you for awhile.
Finally, Kate Moss. I knew your name when you were just a model. I figured you did drugs - I mean how else could you stay so thin? But now you are everywhere. Going to rehab. Breaking up with your ex. Starting fights with Sienna Miller. Having lunch with Lindsey Lohan. Partying with Jack Osborne. Getting tons of new modeling deals. That's great for you but you crossed the line when you agreed to have a book deal (which you won't even write yourself) about this comeback. We already know the story - you are still on drugs - and your poor daughter will grow up and know what you did. Why not save face and leave writing books to real writers. I hope your next drug binge lands you in rehab for a lot longer than 30 days.(Pictures and links from DListed, Best Week Ever and A Socialite's Life)
Labels: Celebrities
posted by Shawn at 12:11 PM
3 Comments:
i think celeberties should have shelf-lives, like television series. And then when they're all spoiled and rotten, we throw them in a spaceship (Paris, you're on the next flight) and shoot them off into space to collect all that junk we've left up there to make up for all the junk and noise they've created here on Earth.
Retribution, Hollywood-style.
These days celebrities do have a short shelf life, but the new ones brought into the rotation to annoy us for the next few months or years if they are lucky, have sunk even lower than before.
Personally i'm sick of gap tooth madonna and her family. She lowered the bar and it just keeps sinking. How low can you go.
shawn, this list is hilarious and i must say that i wholeheartedly concur!
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