HELP

You guys, I'm gonna be honest with you - this has been a shitty past few days. I have no inspiration for blogging and I am just loaded with stress and sadness. As an update from my "mixed emotions" post the other day - my dog didn't fare so well after the stress he went through. I ended up coming home early from my trip to attend to him at the vet. I won't get into details but just know that the ending is sad.

And on top of that I feel like there is just no relief from all these other constant stresses in my life. After finally getting rid of my old piece of shit washing machine from months ago - I got a new washing machine and it has only given me trouble. I have had to deal with already 5 service calls and the machine still doesn't work. And guess what - they came by today to change another part - and a half hour after they leave my machine starts beeping this error code. Seriously - does it end?

Then on top of that my A/C situation is just dismal. Last week a repair guy came out and gave me the highest quote so far. I will hopefully get another person out here soon to give me another quote - but seriously I can't even afford it anyway.

And why can't I afford it? Well thanks to many increasing bills and a property tax situation - I owe a lot of money. You know that saying "buyer beware"? Well, when I bought my condo I had no clue that the former owner would lose his homestead tax exemption and I would end up paying for it. So guess what - I now owe some major big bucks to the property tax world which I have to sort out this summer.

Oh and did I mention I have to soon decide whether to trade in my car (Mini) or pay up money to continue keeping it? I really love my car. But I have this financing plan called a "balloon payment." So let's just say the car costs 20k. I financed 10k 4 years ago. Now the "balloon" of the other 10k is due. I could refinance the remaining 10k and keep my car or trade it in for a newer model. So the pros - I love the car. Another pro - it might be a little cheaper to refinance - but I am still not sure about that. The cons - it is a 4 year old car that is likely gonna need random repairs that will all be out of pocket. More cons - I am not a huge fan of the newer models but the gas mileage is a little better. I have gone back and forth about this for months now and I just can't decide what to do.

Oh and I think I am getting a cold. And my diet? Down the drain.

So with this ever shrinking bank account (soon to go into the negative) and just this general sadness I really don't know how to even think straight. So excuse me if there are no witty posts for awhile - maybe some other contributors can step up and help me out?

Stephen King on Cho Seung Hui

Stephen King was asked by Entertainment Weekly about his thoughts on the Virginia Tech murders. Being that Stephen King writes horror stories, I felt it was really interesting to hear his take on it. A lot of people said that Cho should have thrown up warning signals because of his violent stories, but wouldn't Stephen King have thrown up the same flags? When is it just imagination or crossing the line to disturbing insanity?

Here is what Stephen King had to say:

I've thought about it, of course. Certainly in this sensitized day and age, my own college writing — including a short story called ''Cain Rose Up'' and the novel RAGE — would have raised red flags, and I'm certain someone would have tabbed me as mentally ill because of them, even though I interacted in class, never took pictures of girls' legs with my cell phone (in 1970, WHAT cell phones?), and never signed my work with a ?.

As a teacher, I had one student — I will call him George — who raised red flags galore in my own mind: stories about flaying women alive, dismemberment, and, the capper, ''getting back at THEM.'' George was very quiet, and verbally inarticulate. It was only in his written work that he spewed these relentless scenes of gore and torture. His job was in the University Bookstore, and when I inquired about him once, I was told he was a good worker, but ''quiet.'' I thought, ''Whoa, if some kid is ever gonna blow, it'll be this one.'' He never did. But that was in the days before a gun-totin' serial killer could get top billing on the Nightly News and possibly the covers of national magazines.

For most creative people, the imagination serves as an excretory channel for violence: We visualize what we will never actually do (James Patterson, for instance, a nice man who has all too often worked the street that my old friend George used to work). Cho doesn't strike me as in the least creative, however. Dude was crazy. Dude was, in the memorable phrasing of Nikki Giovanni, ''just mean.'' Essentially there's no story here, except for a paranoid a--hole who went DEFCON-1. He may have been inspired by Columbine, but only because he was too dim to think up such a scenario on his own.

On the whole, I don't think you can pick these guys out based on their work, unless you look for violence unenlivened by any real talent.

Ismail Ax

You all know there was a really scary and sad event that happened on Monday. A young man took the lives of 32 of his co-eds and his own life at the campus of Virginia Tech.

Cho Seung-Hu was his name and before he committed this horrific act he wrote something on his arm in red ink- Ismail Ax

Two days later, a package arrives at NBC's NY headquarters. A postal employee notices the Blacksburg return address and the words "Ismail Ax" written in red ink and she brought it to NBC's attention.

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Honestly, I didn't know what to say after this terrible event happened. It weighed heavily on my mind and I just didn't even know where to begin. This type of violence is senseless and possibly only done for celebrity-like results. Why else send in a video? Did he think there was an audition to win the honor of being the hand that caused the worst bloodbath on American soil?

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So what is up with "Ismail Ax"? What does it mean? Check out Boing Boing's analysis - it is pretty interesting.

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He got the world's attention. What are we supposed to learn from all of this? Is he just a freak that had a mental imbalance - or is something causing people to be like this? He isn't the first to do something like this - although his was pretty extreme - so where does it come from?

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My heart goes out to all those in pain during this time.